Talk to me, or not?

According to Watzlawick, Bavelas and Jackson (1980), one cannot not communicate.  Every behaviour is a kind of communication.  Because behaviour does not have a counterpart (there is no anti-behaviour), it is not possible not to communicate (as cited in Krajewski and Schroder, 2010, p.187).

Of course, it is not surprising then to conclude that everything we do, or don't, is part of verbal and non-verbal communication.  That is to say it is impossible not to react to an SMS or an email, because silence in itself also communicates a message.

No?

According to Jensen (1973), there are five intentions and functions of silence, namely:

1. A linkage function: silence may bond two or more people or it may separate them.
2. An affecting function: silence may heal over time or wound.
3. A revelation function: silence may make soemthing known to a person or it may hide information from others.
4. A judgemental function: silence may signal assent and favour or it may signal dissent and disfavour.
5. An activating function: silence may signal deep thoughtfulness or it may signal mental inactivity.

The way I see it?  Silence is the conscious choice we make when we receive an SMS or an email, and whether or not we then choose to respond to it, state of free time or the lack of notwithstanding, functions as speech, that is, what one is saying or not saying, and with the latter, a tacit implication of go figure.

Granted, the interpretation of silence and its function is different from one culture to another, and perhaps too, from one individual to another, as well as the context.  So, the question is, what does it take to effectively interpret the silent message?

Random Lesson 101

Singapore skyline from the Marina Barrage

Trust me, I have absolutely no idea what barrage even means before this, or where or what Marina Barrage is. My initiation to this word was from an ad on the telly in the last days of 2008.

Do you?

Based on Civil Engineering terms, a barrage is an artificial obstruction in a water course to increase the depth of water, facilitate irrigation, etc. In other words, it is a construction to control the level of water, somewhat like a dam.

Oh! So, that's what a barrage is!

But do you know that there are 2 pronunciations to this word - (1) /bəˈrɑʒ [buh-rahzh] (esp. BrE) and (2) bär'ĭj [bahr-ij]?

Anyway, whatever the pronunciation, do make sure you bring along a tripod if you do not have a pair of really steady 1/15 hands (like me). That, or you can hold your breath really well.

[All images taken with Canon Ixus 50]

Of euphemism and terms of endearment

Feel Good: you better stop 'whatever-ing' and be nicer towards me.

joY: erm...is that a threat? okay, okay...sorry lah...you know I don't mean it...it's just a phrase of endearment...

a few seconds later...

joY: there is a difference...I didn't roll my eyes when i said it, so "whatever" is my version of "k, I get it".

And that, in a nutshell, was TBF's ultimatum, sort of, at 7am this morning over MSN. And it got me pondering on this: is there a cut-off point where even the most patient person will get infuriated over the use of a word, any word, on him or her? Honestly, I'm scared if TBF seriously meant severing our friendship if I ever use the dirty W-word on him again.

But that was supposed to have worked well as a term of endearment too, liken the case as in idiot or even basket(ball). If sugarpie or cupcake is used too often, doesn't the cliché cancel out every sweetness totally?

The same goes for euphemism. It's unforgivable for a refined lady (or gentleman) to commit a social faux pas as to swear in public blatantly; she'll just have to express her displeasure behind a smokescreen - and the euphemism makes a grand entrance. So much so that silly goose doesn't sound as bad as stupid goon, sugars not exactly as distasteful as sh*t and fish definitely more appealing than the king on the universal vulgar scale - the F-word.

So when do euphemism and terms of endearment become unacceptable in our everyday lives? Where do we draw the line? Or is there even one?

But know that when I do say whatever (followed by a chuckle), I'm not really feeling indifferent to whatever you've just articulated....

Words

The meaning of words change with time. Now we all know this...However, the reality is a little different.

Each word is made up of two things.

The first is the formal meaning attached to the word. In modern times this appears in dictionaries.

The second is the emotional content attached to the word. This varies across time and space and between groups. We have to infer this from context....where the emotional overlays attached to the word vary over time and between countries.

These varying and changing meanings create two quite distinct problems...They can impede our understanding of the past. But they also affect the way our readers interpret what we write, because they impose their own meaning upon our words.

We know this, but we do not always understand it.

Click here for full discourse.

PS: I came across this brilliant piece while randomly surfing the Net. Okay, not so random because I was upset with TBF's use of the word 'insinuate' in his comment about my last post. Though never a sociology student, I remember reading something on culture and language in uni and well, let's just say that I have to prove something. But whatever it was that I so badly wanted to establish an hour ago is quite fuzzy to me now. *LOL*

Jo-Lang 303

"Words become superfluous when the understanding is not there."

The epitome of Jo-Lang comes down to 2 things. When all else fails as communication breaks down totally, you'll either (a) smile or (b) go "Whatever."

Jo-Lang 202

Immaculate English is not a pre-requisite, but mastery of Rule e in Jo-Lang 101 is most preferred. In this second part, you will learn the art of speaking. The rule is simple – to speak with tact, preferably neutrally, but if the situation calls for one to speak ‘in between the lines’, one must make use of the appropriate tone in expressing sarcasm (so that nobody has to drive themselves bananas trying to decipher whether it was meant to be sarcastic or not) and of course, making sure that one’s defense mechanism is deactivated.

Let me illustrate with the following 4 Case Studies.

Case Study 1
Choose one of the following:
(a) What are your plans now?
(b) Have you found a job yet?

Currently, I’m taking a break from work. Do not ask me “Have you found a job yet?” because I’ll probably have a hard time convincing myself I don’t really want to punch you in the face. Ask me ”So, what are your plans now?” or “What kind of jobs do you have in mind?” and you’ll probably have to beg me to stop sharing my life plans with you.

Case Study 2
What would you have asked?
(a) Can I help you?
(b) What you want?

When I sought your help, that’s because I really needed your help, so don’t ask me “What you want?” because I’m definitely going to roll my eyes at you. Of course, 2 seconds later, I’ll be muttering under my breadth that I want help and also wondering why you can’t simply ask me “Can I help you?” coz seriously, if I didn’t need your help, I wouldn’t even approach you...duh!

Case Study 3
Which of the following sounds more familiar?
(a) How nice of you to drop by. How’s it going?
(b) What are you doing here?

You see, I really missed you and so, I wanted so badly to visit. But instead of telling me how much you miss me when you do actually see me, you asked me “What are you doing here?” Oops, how was I supposed to know I was unwelcome, and of course, I would make a mental note not to visit anymore. Sigh!

Case Study 4
Your problem, my problem or everybody’s problem?

You always ask “What’s your problem?” Erm, sorry...I don’t think I have a problem, but there is a problem (obviously). Why can’t comments be innocently just, well, comments, and not because “ you have a problem with that?” Sheesh! What’s the problem (oops, no pun intended) with the world?

This basically sums up briefly the art of speaking, Jo-style. Hmmm, on second thoughts, maybe immaculate English is necessary afterall. *LOL*

Jo-Lang 101

No, I do not speak immaculate English. Not at all! I speak Jo-Lang. The rules of Jo-Lang include, (a) proper grammatical and sentence structure, (b) the use of pertinent vocabulary to exemplify the point(s) I’m trying to make, (c) the use of acronyms, (d) ang-moh-fied Hokkien/ Cantonese vocabulary and (e) the use of tone and expressions. You must know that Jo-Lang is quite different from Singlish, where there is zero grammar.

In this lesson, I will go through very briefly how you can master Jo-Lang. Imagine this scenario where you and your friend walked into a quaint apparel boutique and saw an out-of-the-world bright orange dress complete with shocking pink sequins and green lace and yellow feathers. But the salesperson wasn’t smiling when you entered the store at 9pm (erm, closing time, geddit?) What would you say?

Using true-blue Jo-Lang, you will go, ”Wah piang eh (Rule e), this dress is so OTT (Rule c)! Goodness gracious (Rule b), I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing THAT (Rules a and e)!” At this point, you’ve also noticed the salesperson kept looking at her watch so you walked out of the boutique voluntarily but irritated. The next thing you’ll say will be, “Gosh, that girl has a really kiam-pak face (Rule d). I don’t think I want to buy anything from her (Rule a).”

Hmmm, I think somebody is going to say ‘I so that one’ (now, this is Singlish) again...LOL

The Language of Love

There are 5 languages of love:

1. Acts of Service
2. Words of Encouragement
3. Time
4. Touch
5. Gifts

I was told by a dear friend that my language of love are words of encouragement and touch. But very often, I find myself resorting to gifts when words are too difficult. What's yours?

Globish

Globish - global English, that is. "Where find toilet?" Although there is no grammar or structure to this question, I believe it would be understood. And I'm sure the person who asks this question would get a satisfactory reply.

"Why you so like that?" Don't you bear any fondness to this beloved question that's an integral part of our [Singaporean] lives? Singlish, frowned upon by the prim and proper English speakers, is something most are really comfortable with, and may I say, even proud of. In my wildest imagination perhaps Globish has something to do with the birth of Singlish in the first place? Besides, don't you think there is a high resemblance between Globish and Singlish; the difference is, perhaps, in Singlish, the SVO structure is somewhat still being observed.

So, long time no see. Bad English, right? But it's definitely something everyone understands...