I'll be lying if I say I can't wait. And as my two-year hiatus comes to an end, it's only natural I have mixed feelings about being in the race once again. While I fully understand now the responsibilities that I have to shoulder, I wonder about my adequacy. Of course, I'm probably unduly worried about the future. Maybe age has something to do with it. As I get older, I found it took longer to make a seemingly life-changing decision. Indeed, every step taken has a ripple effect and every decision made may entail a magnitude of effects beyond imagination.
It's ludicrous how I had my life mapped out before me when I was 18: graduate at 22; start my working life; get married at 26; have my first child at 28; get promoted to middle management... Looking back, it's no secret I'd fared badly at my own agenda. But it's not a bad thing. I reckoned I'd made a difference to some and changed their lives, experienced work and life overseas, studied in Australia, and of course, made and kept some really good friends whom I wouldn't have known if I'd stayed in Singapore.
But perhaps now, it doesn't seem so bad to follow the plan. I had resisted the norm and falling to expectations for the longest time. A chat with a friend recently made me realise how much I yearn the typical life. And she made me realise how settling is not as humdrum as I thought. I'm not sure I'm totally convinced but I think I'm ready to take that leap of faith. I'd always thought it was going to be like Francois Sagan's "I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love", but maybe this is a prerogative for a selected few.
Sometimes I wonder if this is 'the grass is greener on the other side' phenomenon. But whatever it is, I'm certain God will make it green whichever side I am on.
It's ludicrous how I had my life mapped out before me when I was 18: graduate at 22; start my working life; get married at 26; have my first child at 28; get promoted to middle management... Looking back, it's no secret I'd fared badly at my own agenda. But it's not a bad thing. I reckoned I'd made a difference to some and changed their lives, experienced work and life overseas, studied in Australia, and of course, made and kept some really good friends whom I wouldn't have known if I'd stayed in Singapore.
But perhaps now, it doesn't seem so bad to follow the plan. I had resisted the norm and falling to expectations for the longest time. A chat with a friend recently made me realise how much I yearn the typical life. And she made me realise how settling is not as humdrum as I thought. I'm not sure I'm totally convinced but I think I'm ready to take that leap of faith. I'd always thought it was going to be like Francois Sagan's "I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love", but maybe this is a prerogative for a selected few.
Sometimes I wonder if this is 'the grass is greener on the other side' phenomenon. But whatever it is, I'm certain God will make it green whichever side I am on.
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