Now and Forever

[Photo by Johan]

I blame the rain for the sudden melancholy.
"But 3 weeks is going to pass really fast", R said last night.
It was then that I realised I'm going to miss some of these people terribly.

"Now and forever I will always think of you"

Recalibration

I'll be lying if I say I can't wait. And as my two-year hiatus comes to an end, it's only natural I have mixed feelings about being in the race once again. While I fully understand now the responsibilities that I have to shoulder, I wonder about my adequacy. Of course, I'm probably unduly worried about the future. Maybe age has something to do with it. As I get older, I found it took longer to make a seemingly life-changing decision. Indeed, every step taken has a ripple effect and every decision made may entail a magnitude of effects beyond imagination.

It's ludicrous how I had my life mapped out before me when I was 18: graduate at 22; start my working life; get married at 26; have my first child at 28; get promoted to middle management... Looking back, it's no secret I'd fared badly at my own agenda. But it's not a bad thing. I reckoned I'd made a difference to some and changed their lives, experienced work and life overseas, studied in Australia, and of course, made and kept some really good friends whom I wouldn't have known if I'd stayed in Singapore.

But perhaps now, it doesn't seem so bad to follow the plan. I had resisted the norm and falling to expectations for the longest time. A chat with a friend recently made me realise how much I yearn the typical life. And she made me realise how settling is not as humdrum as I thought. I'm not sure I'm totally convinced but I think I'm ready to take that leap of faith. I'd always thought it was going to be like Francois Sagan's "I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love", but maybe this is a prerogative for a selected few.

Sometimes I wonder if this is 'the grass is greener on the other side' phenomenon. But whatever it is, I'm certain God will make it green whichever side I am on.

The Chicken Rice Muse

Needless to say, there was much anticipation in the 45-minute drive to the highly acclaimed Hainanese Chicken Rice and Sambal Kang Kong; each of us bearing different expectation and hope in the Singaporean (but strangely labelled Malaysian by most print and online reviews) restaurant. It was a good dinner, albeit a very expensive one, but as R puts it simply,"Aww...overrated.", it was evident I wasn't the only one who was somewhat disappointed.

Perhaps it was the hype that's to be blamed, but I couldn't help but wonder: Why is it that we were hoping for the 'real' thing, a truely authentic Singaporean dish; that we forget it was pretty good by Sydney standards? Why do we yearn for the same thing even though we know it's probably almost an impossible task, amid knowing the differences? Why was it that among the array of choices available, we still chose something so familiar?

But I think the answer is very simple: Home is where the food is, that is, except for one thing - I was the only Singaporean...

Life like that

As I huddled against the chilly late autumn wind along George Street, the only thing on my mind was to get home quickly. No, it wasn't because it was too cold, it was because I was afraid; the streets in the city were filled with too many people whom I suppose were either already drunk by midnight or simply too individualistic. At one point, a car had stopped in front of a public bus refusing to budge for reasons I don't know, but what I'm sure was I heard the bus honk many blocks away. And while some cars blared music that were too loud, others had drivers who shouted expletives at other drivers along the same street.

And that is surely not my idea of fun.

Earlier, I had an enjoyable dinner with D and S while watching Bolt dubbed in cantonese; ate a lot, laughed a lot.

And in the midst of all the fun, I couldn't help but wonder which was worse: Clad in PJs among a group of apartment hunters viewing the flat this morning or being told "Don't worry. Nobody's looking at you."

And now, while I fret about the time my mahjong-loving neighbour is going to end her game tonight, I'm grateful for everything I've experienced today for it kept me in check with the things that matter from the ones that don't.

Dial 9 for Security

Some days, I couldn't help but wonder what makes a person dislike someone else. Was it a bad dream? Or scary stories of the others gramps told? Or a bad childhood experience? Perhaps, it's all different for different individuals.

But I often ask myself: How is it possible to dislike somebody when I don't even know them? For one, I'm quite sure I don't fancy the occupants in the two rooms beside mine. The right doesn't have the decency to turn down her "I-have-since-labelled-it-acquired-taste-just-so-I-can-be-considered-politically-correct" music regardless of the time of day; the left screams with her friends and plays mahjong late into the night.

And of course, the whole time, I kept asking myself if I were the anal one, if I were totally intolerant of unfamiliar sounds; if I were simply jealous because the neighbours were having a good time...blah blah blah...

But some two months on, I figured enough is enough. And I just found out how I can deal with it.

It wouldn't?

Moving overseas for at least the next three years, a friend's status read: It'll all remain the same. But I can't help but wonder: Will it?

And I was thinking, even if she fights really hard to keep things a status quo, what about them? Will they make sure that things will remain the same for them too? Undoubtedly, these questions seem a tad depressing to ponder for a split second, even on Anzac Day, but I reckon I do know the answers.

After Tea

Wooden Puppet in La Renaissance

A dimly lit cafe

Apartment window along the Harbour Bridge

Sydney Opera House from the Habour Bridge

Harbour Bridge Pedestrian Walkway

Sydney Harbour Bridge

Circular Quay from Pylon Lookout

At half past five

The city skyline from Wentworth Park

Cars heading towards the city

Anzac Bridge

One Way

I lay my life down at Your feet
Cause You're the only one I need
I turn to You and You are always there

In troubled times it's You I seek
I put You first that's all I need
I humble all I am all to You

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me

You will never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end

You are the Way the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight
for You
We're living all for You

~~~~~
It's always disappointing when we get let down. And at one point or another in our lives, we may have been looking for the same things from all the wrong places. In this world where change is the only constant, I suppose nothing says more about an everlasting love than this one; the one that will never ever change.

PS: Check out the short films in this year's Film & Art Festival.

One pot of comfort

on a chilly Autumn day...

Ingredients:
6 pieces of chicken wings/ drumsticks
4 sticks of baby carrots
1 medium brown onion
2 medium-size washed potatoes
oyster sauce
pepper

Wash, chop, and put everything in a pot;
Add enough water just to submerge all ingredients;
Cook for 45 minutes.

The breakup

And so it seems Ms Dragonfly has decided to break up with Mr Clip during the blackout (yes, the power was down for more than an hour in the entire building, only that it wasn't a blackout blackout because it was 4pm) today.

And I couldn't even stick them back, not even with Selleys.

Sigh...

Chop Chop Chop

Somehow, I secretly suspect that the chopping up of the ingredients is rather therapeutic for a stressed out mind.

Hehe...

The ingredients of my too-chunky salsa include:
1 ripe avacado, chopped into cubes
1 medium red onion, chopped in cubes
1 tomato, chopped into cubes
1 red pepper or chilli [optional]
lime juice
olive oil
salt and pepper

Actually, I wanted to make a chicken salsa salad, but I didn't have any chicken (!), so I ended up with this pasta salad instead.

A casualty of the average TGIF

Sometimes, I really wonder what some people associate having a good time with...

One mountain

...of readings

Can't help...

...with a PJs label like this one.

What's next?

Waking to the morning news on telly reporting the Federal Government's decision to cut skilled migration by 18,500 this year, I couldn't help but succumb to the global brooding fear that I was previously oblivious to. And it should be rather discouraging as I found myself only telling my friends last week that I may choose to stay here after all.

And as if to cast the notion in stone, I was told my prospective already meagre tutoring workload will be reduced by more than half, at a mere 3 hours a week for 2 months. It should be worrying now, since Singapore hardly cuts down on education expenditure, no matter the economic health of the state.

I'm not sure what to make of all these until a lighthearted presentation of the gravely ill world economy on the evening news: New York-based Sesame Workshop announced on Friday (the 13th) it was laying off its workforce, leaving Elmo probably not so tickled, perhaps Oscar canned, and Count Dracula counting the indefinite number of workers get laid off. And perhaps too, new vocabulary for children all over the world: L for Layoffs, R for Recession, and U for Unemployment.

Maybe the huge bottle of detergent falling off the supermarket shelf and missing hitting me head on by a mere 10 centimetres meant something, I'm not sure, but at least I wasn't hurt.

You've gotta be kidding me!

As such, my current units have been approved and updated on the uni system (finally!) but it's still as unsettling as the past 48 hours...

Goo-Bak-Chor Mee?

Maybe it was because I hadn't had a proper lunch; just a piece of toast. But by 4pm, I knew I was in need of some sort of comfort food. And potato chips did not do the trick this time around. Instead, a familiar image consumed my entire mind and concentration: bak-chor mee!

Of course, I'm sure it was my unsettling time-table for this semester that's really the cause for all the butterflies in my stomach, oh and the growls too. And to make matters worse, I was getting the jitters because I was totally clueless what Dr Michele was rattling about. And that meant I'll probably have to go class shopping and mess up my already unsettling time-table even more. But amidst the discompose, I succumbed to a chuckle when I found these at Coles.

It's globalisation in the flour, erm...flesh: Made in Korea Singapore noodles on sale in an Australian supermarket.

But some things just have to stay the same. Do not, and I mean DO NOT use mince beef to make bak-chor mee. It's not called bak-chor mee (and not goo-bak-chor mee) for nothing. 'Nuff said.

Stuck in 10s!

Argh...
And now that the right is nicely stuck (Yes, I superglued it!),
the left is coming off.

I guess it's really time for a new phone.

3057

My home away from home...